Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
