There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
