This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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