Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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