Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
