Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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