im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
