Screwed.edu
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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