can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
