We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
