I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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