My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
