Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
