handjob tips. give me some.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
