:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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