It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
