you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
