he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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