I need help removing her.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
