picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
