Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
