i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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