Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
