my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
