worst night to have a conscience
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
