the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
