Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
