I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
