Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
