Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
