Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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