i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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