Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
