sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
