Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
