im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
