Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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