Yo dont text me then not text me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
