watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
