Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
