I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
