READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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