I am midnight drunk by noon
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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