She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
