Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
