hotel room ftw
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this boner is exhausting
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
