kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
