But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
