Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
