I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
