I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
