Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
